a little christmas story

For the past few days I've been doing some work probing the notion that the fundamental structure and design of Facebook has a higher to people who tend to live through a remembrance of the past, while Twitter is much more focused on the present and the near-term future.¹

 

While doing this I thought a bit about my own real world graph.  I have a very small number of extremely close friends.  Those people I consider family and dedicate my tithing of time to.  Then there are varying levels of friends and acquaintances, correspondents, people you nod to on the street and so on .. you probably have much the same, although how these assemble is fascinating and probably unique to each of us.  The weights of the edges of these graphs depend on the intensity of the relationship and that varies with time, place, situation and many other factors.  I found myself thinking about those who are close.

 

One, who I won't identify, has been in an email conversation for a few days explaining something she does that strikes me as the core of what the holiday season is about.  For background she left her family and moved to the big city of Toronto immediately after high school with no contacts or prospects.  She has told me that she felt she had to leave even if she had no idea if she would be able to survive.  Her first year was very rough, but she limped through and then moved on to another city.  Since then she has been growing and learning and I count myself enormously lucky to have established a brilliant friendship with her - a friendship that has been enormously important to me and my wife.

 

She landed in Toronto the other day to spend the holiday with her brother's family.  But she had something just as important as family to tend to.  Rather than write about it, I asked for and received permission to quote a few parts of the emails.  

 

 

I will see a priest who works with kids who don't have much of a chance.  The come to Toronto on the bus and he finds them a cheap place to stay and work though people he knows.  He found me my first work at a tiny pizzeria.  I cleaned the kitchen, tables and floors and was a waitress.  I quit on my own because I wasn't very good at what I was asked to do, but it got me started and off the street.

I then find a restaurant with a kid who is struggling and leave a really big tip.  It happened to me when I was working.  A stranger who probably had asked what I will ask, had a piece of pizza and a coke and left an envelope with a new $100 bill in it.  The envelope just said "Merry Christmas to the tall blonde girl".  I do the same thing every time I'm back in Toronto and seek out the priest for guidance.  For me it is payback for the kindness and remembering how important it was to me.  For me money was completely unexpected and a gift of goodness that still makes me cry and feel special.

I don't see myself as being good.  It gives the message that even a stranger can offer just enough help when you really need it and it is good to look out for other people.  As an anonymous giver it makes me wonderful and is now a huge part of my Christmas.  I don't mean it to be charity as much a hope and a wish.  I try to write a note asking them to do the same for someone else when they can afford it.  I also put a good chocolate bar in the envelope because I know the money will for for food or rent or even some basic piece of clothing and they deserve a good treat. 

 

(from the next email about a day later.  I note that she is fairly deaf and can't listen to music so she reads lyrics - the song she quotes also happens to be a favorite of mine)

I now have the bills and chocolate and will seek out the priest.  This is the holiest piece of my holiday:-)  Whoever did it for me must have had it done for them and I do sit up sometimes wondering where and how it started.  I'm so proud to be part of it and someone who tries to keep it moving on.  

The priest must know a lot, but he and I have different beliefs.  His is his God and mine is in humanity.  But maybe that is more similar that it seems.

I read a lot of song lyrics and remember one by Dar Williams.  I can't remember it word for word, so I cheated and looked it up.  There is some truth here (although I'm not a pagan. I'm excited and waiting for her next communication)

The Christians and the Pagans

Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday, 
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay." 
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree, 
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with red dye number three. 
He told his niece, "It's Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style," 
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and its been awhile," 

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table, 
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able, 
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said, 
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses. 

The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch, 
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, "Is it true that you're a witch?" 
His mom jumped up and said, "The pies are burning," and she hit the kitchen, 
And it was Jane who spoke, she said, "It's true, your cousin's not a Christian," 
"But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share, 
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere." 

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table, 
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able, 
And where does magic come from? I think magic's in the learning, 
'Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning. 

When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, "Really, no, don't bother." 
Amber's uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father. 
He thought about his brother, how they hadn't spoken in a year, 
He thought he'd call him up and say, "It's Christmas and your daughter's here." 
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve, saying, 
"Can I be a Pagan?" Dad said, "We'll discuss it when they leave." 

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table, 
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able, 
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and 
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold.

 

First you need an excellent holiday treat and then you need to be listening to Christians and the Pagans by Dar Williams.²  If you don't have it, here is the link to the iTunes Store or find it somewhere else.  The next best thing is to listen to a youtube performance.  

 note: the ending to this little story appears in the comments:-)

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¹ From the selection of follows and friends, the weightings of the edges of the graphs and so on...  There are some interesting models that can be built to try these ideas to see if they make sense.  This may be fundamentally tied to how mobile these services are - or not.  There is rich room for experimental design and measurement and perhaps a bit of insight.

Fun stuff to think about - particularly when one considers these services both map poorly onto real human connections (although both can be useful).  But this is for something other than the blog.

² I'm not a pagan either, but this song turns out to be very personal to me too ... I've been lucky enough to have been at a concert where nearly everyone was singing along with Dar as she performed it

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Recipe Corner

 

This one is wonderful.  Last year I posted a holiday desert that someone in Italy tried and loved.  He sent a nice letter with his grandmother's prized biscotti recipe.  This is exceptional if you like biscotti.  I've done a few things to make it work with American ingredients.  

 

Christmas Biscotti

 

Ingredients

 

° 55g  of a very mild extra virgin olive oil

° 170g white cane sugar

° 2 tsp vanilla extract

° 1/2 teaspoon almond extract

° 2 large eggs

° 220g all purpose flour

° 1/4 teaspoon salt

° 1 tsp baking powder

° 60g dried cranberries

° 180g unsalted shelled pistachios

 

Technique

° Preheat oven to 350º F  and Pam or grease a cookie sheet

° In a mixer bowl beat the olive oil and sugar together. Add the vanilla and almond extracts and eggs, beating until the mixture is blended.

° In a small bowl, whisk by hand the flour, salt and baking powder.

° On low speed gradually add the flour mixture to the egg mixture and slowly beat in the cranberries and pistachios. (you can do this by hand too)

° Form the dough  into two logs about a foot long and two inches in diameter. (if it is too sticky use the trick of forming it with cold water on your hands)

° Bake for 30 minutes or until logs are light brown. Remove from oven, cool for at least 20 minutes and cut slices diagonally about an inch thick.  

° While cutting reduce the oven temperature to 275° F

° Put cookies on a cooling racking placed on the cookie sheet for 15 minutes flipping cookies once midway.

° Line a cooking sheet with parchment.  Put the slices on their sides and bake at 275° F until the cookies are dry, which varies a lot with humidity.  Usually about 10 to 15 minutes for me.  I flip them at the 5 minute mark.

 

 

Comments

[Jheri]

I hope that you can find hygge during and beyond the season Steve. Something tells me you will:)

[Nancy White]

My Italian gramma made biscotti. Every time I eat one, I think of her. Happy Happy Solstice!

[steve]

Here is the end to the little Christmas story - an email that arrived after I posted this -- wonderful stuff!

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I had some time with the priest and he said there was one where a gift might make a real difference to her. He said she is someone who has a lot of potential, but no one believes in her and she is struggling now and probably in financial trouble. She came to the city to change her life and has been hanging on, but has not been able to get above water enough to start into school, which is why she came. He thinks there is a romantic and someone who may do something important, but for now she doesn't have a lot of hope.

He had found her a job in a little restaurant, gave me her name and a description and started to cry,which made me cry. It was a very beautiful moment.

I went to the bank and took out more money thinking that maybe there would be enough to cover a few of her expenses. I put two $100s and four $50s and a really good chocolate bar in an envelope and spent an hour writing and tearing up short notes. Finally all I said is

You don't know me but I know you as I was you
You need to have faith in yourself and know there is hope
Maybe this offering with help
Learn to have pride in yourself and keep trying,
I have faith in you because I finally started to believe in myself
Oh yeah - the chocolate is the best I know

I went to the restaurant at 4 so it would be empty. I had an egg salad sandwich and a vanilla milkshake made extra thick with chunks of chocolate mixed in. I thanks her and asked what her name was. She gave her first name and fit the description. We talked a bit and it was certainly her. I paid and fumbled around, handed her the envelope and said here's the tip. I winked at her and walked out looking in the window a bit, but I didn't see her open it. I hurried down the street so I could disappear properly.

WIth luck she is confused, but is feeling very good about herself now:-)

this is my Christmas - it was wonderful!

[Nancy White]

Big smile...